As the 2012 Presidential election approaches many folks are worried about the National Deficit, genuinely angry about fraud, particularly in connection with programs that largely benefit the unemployed, the poor, and the disabled.  No one wants any lazy bums to receive money or help they did not work for or may not deserve.  They don’t want to subsidize irresponsible baby-factories or shiftless layabout drug addicts just having a good time, on Uncle Sam’s dime.  And, I must admit, I do agree that public assistance, Medicaid and food stamps should be short term programs in poor people’s lives, not multi-generational institutions.  No worries there however, welfare reform laws ALREADY limit the amount of time a family is eligible to receive benefits, five years being the maximum, and cash benefits are so miniscule, there’s no chance of living large.  A little internet research yields surprisingly low incidences of fraud.  Only about 2 percent of recipients for cash and food stamp programs fraud, 3 percent for Medicaid/Medicare fraud, often committed by insiders who have intimate knowledge of the system, like caseworkers and doctors.

But who cares about the facts!  We need solutions that fit in a sound byte!  And so, inspired by Ronald Reagan, who first popularized the phrase ‘welfare queens‘, and by his penchant for declaring war on things, I have come up with some innovative ideas to reduce the need for welfare, ways to reduce fraud, and generally spread happiness and joy.

People should earn their money, but we don’t want to pay for job training.  And so, state and county assistance offices could harvest and freeze the healthy eggs of single moms who need assistance!  This helps their existing children and raises money for the government by selling the ovum to the wealthy successful career woman suffering from infertility,  Two birds, one stone, baby!

No money in the budget for rehabilitation programs?  No problem!  The lazy drug addict could earn a living and help mankind as paid volunteer test subject, whilst running free on reservations run by pharmaceutical companies.  They could also be of great research value to the video game and snack food industries!!  Crime radically reduced.  Prison populations would drop.  You’re welcome!

The elderly, mentally ill, obese and disabled can earn also their medical benefits by becoming lab rats for fad surgeries, diet aids, supplements, and testing exercise equipment!  Just think of all the money corporate America can save on lawsuits!  The added bonus being, we will have a much more attractive, unfortunate class of people.

My ideas are no crazier or ridiculous than disregarding all the glaring reasons the group of people living below the poverty line is growing.  Or turning a blind eye to the struggle of the working poor, every day across this country, slaving to feed families, pay their bills and somehow try to save up a little money for college tuition, never mind getting access to decent health care.  Why we let the people who are supposed to work for us, use our petty prejudices against us is to benefit the uber-rich, is beyond me….There are real welfare queens in corporate worlds of finance, oil, and manufacturing, and even other nations who receive billions in Federal money for years and years.  The question you must ask yourself, when do they get kicked off the dole?